LatinaMami

I’d like some of that “support” that I always hear about

When you have children....you come into it with all of your ideas about what you are going to provide for this child.  All the love in the world.  You don't realize, even when you're right in the middle of it, how many different systems are in place surrounding your ability to provide for your child.  There are so many determining factors that you are not in "control" of and systems that you had NO SAY in setting up that will affect your providing for your children.  It all depends...are you low-income?  How far did you get in your education? are you supported or oppressed emotionally? what tools do you have to progress in the work place?

If you are a woman of color...well, first of all, you're a woman (problem), second of all, how assimilated are you into the dominant white culture, cuz uhhh, if you're too Mexican, too black, have too much of an accent, dress differently (you know.."lower-class"), forget it.  How well do you enunciate your words? Can you “pass”? how confidently do you smile? You should be using words like "in my space" and "fyi" and "just a sec" or "let me sit with this for a sec and I'll get back to you on that". Oh, and, that guy that was going to support you through raising these children (or not) well, he for whatever reason it is, just can't do it.  If he sticks around, he'll be in your care as well and give you a TON of sh%t and harsh JUDGEMENT whenever you come up against an obstacle.

If you're on receive assistance, you got A WHOLE LOT of people in your business, making sure you don't make it ahead a little or they'll pull the "support" rug right out from under you and the children in your care.

So, how does this "look" in everyday living for a mother of color?  How does all these "things" actually come into play?? 

"It doesn't SEEM like the mothers of color I see are navigating through that many layers and factors in their everyday life.  They look happy.  It can't be THAT bad." Right???

Well, first of all, I'm not AT ALL INVESTED in making things look BAD for me and all the mamis that I know and love.  I don't think we're victims.  Although, I've been through a lot of sh%$*t, I'm no victim.  One common trait between us all, is that we know how to keep going and LAUGHING and push foreword.  We're no victims.

But, let's take a look at how these things come into play. 

Well, let's see....

First, you might have fallen in love and been under the illusion (as was the case for me) that the man I was making love to was miraculously going to be healthy enough emotionally to support me as a mother through ALL that's involved in it.  So, now you’re on your own.  Deal with it, get depressed, work your way out of the illusion, make peace with it and KEEP GOING, because you have two beautiful children learning the beauty of the world from you.  This could take you a few years to work through.  For me, it took about 10 years to begin to understand, 15 years to understand and get past the pain and 18 years (so far) to healthily move forward.  Oh, and, like a lot of us, he still has to live with you, cuz you can’t AFFORD to raise the kids alone. 

Still, you keep maneuvering throughout your home trying to have enough money to provide food and some fun for the kids, keep the husband/partner peaceful and happy so he’ll not wreck the energy in the house with anger and negativity, scaring the kids and plummeting your strength into the toilet. And like the theme of one of our Latina Mami podcasts….YOU’RE NOT EVEN OUT THE DOOR YET!

Then, you have to try to figure out how to position yourself in ALL THESE influencing systems that you belong to….socio-economic systems, class structures, institutional prejudice, inequitable policies in place in the workplace, schools, Department of Human Services, HEALTHCARE SYSTEMS, THE CDC’s political BS (don’t get me started on the CDC and healthcare systems at large), State and Federal LEGISLATION, HOUSING, predatory lending practices, can we say “CREDIT”,etc. These are just SOME of the systems that we maneuver through as we try to build and provide abundant lives for our children and ourselves.  WHEN YOU ARE COMING OUT OF THE GATE PLACED WAY BEHIND AS A WOMAN AND A WOMAN OF COLOR….IT’S A HUGE PILE ON TOP OF YOU TO WORK YOUR WAY THROUGH, PUSH YOUR WAY THROUGH….IF YOU’RE BLESSED ENOUGH TO HAVE THE STRENGTH.  “Don’t politicians base their promises around family values” Uhhhh, “SUPPORTING” family values?  You hear that everywhere, supporting family values, the supports family values, we strive to support family values.  Okay, I did it.  I bought into the sales pitch. I did it YOUR way…..where the hell’s the support???

It’s all about support.  If you have it, on all fronts, that’s great and amazing.   If you don’t….girl, you better develop that power and push, push, push….oh and don’t forget to create the beauty that you’ll create for your family.

I’m blessed enough to have developed my gentle power so that I can position myself in the BEST POSSIBLE position to create and achieve whatever it is that my children need.  However, QUITE OFTEN, that BEST POSSIBLE position is far in the back, behind some big, tall, fat guy and out of ear shot of the instructions. 

The funny thing is…I really don’t DWELL on the obstacles.  I break through them like thunder.  Still, I’m way, way far behind.  I’m writing this, not to complain.  I’m not trying to BLAME as much as shed light a little bit about one mama’s perspective.  Maybe these systems can be improved to support US, OUR families….not leave us behind struggling to catch up.

I am truly the BEST POSSIBLE SCENARIO FOR A MAMI OF COLOR.  I pushed for my bachelor’s degree, pregnant and with a three year old while my husband and his family didn’t approve and didn’t SUPPORT me at ALL through it. My family COULDN’T support me at all either.  STILL, I’m the BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME!

When I say I’ve made it through a lot, it’s really too much to even write about,(let’s just throw say making it through, healing through being a low-income mama, a few bonafide tragedies, brain damage, and a child with a possibly chronic life-long suffering disease, not to mention taking on three more children with a mentally ill and verbally abusive and neglectful mother (dad, of course is gone and an addict), and I STILL believe and WORK for a better future for the children and “husband” that depend on me to make their lives good and provide support…emotional, physical and spiritual. 

Help me out. Lol. I’d sure like some of that support that I “HEAR” about.

Happy Mother’s Day, beautiful angels that know my struggle because it’s yours too. CHINGONAS!!!  We’ll just keep CELEBRATING AND SUPPORTING EACHOTHER, MUJERES PODOROSAS! I COULDN’T KEEP GOING WITHOUT YOU!

--In deep love, strength, support of my sisters and passion for a better world for our beautiful children, JESSICA OCHOA

 

give away

give away

 

for Gloria

 

sometimes all I can manage is the coffee pot      no sugar, splashed milk

there’s no love in the act of shifting

the spoon from one side of a ceramic mug to the other

 

gloria left a message this morning

says she cannot support women anymore

that the world has to do without her ears and hands

 

the wetness in the air has left, now barren

the mothers all around me have come to term and still no birth

we say the world cannot be carried inside anymore

but no one listens

 

mothers are good, would give their six month notice –

even that won’t be enough to restructure the change

we’ll be left like houses without kitchens

 

what might be different then about the warmth of my coffee

if women stop holding the universe in their bellies?

 

 

-          Jo Reyes-Boitel

thoughts on being a mami

I just wanna say that we, mothers, are supposed to carry the weight of the entire world on our shoulders along with all the other day to day problems and not bitch about it. We are not asked to be wonder women, we are EXPECTED to be; and if by some chance, we fail at something small and insignificant, then we have ruined our whole existence! On the plus side, my kids have taught me how to be the mother I am today. The have shown me the meaning of the word mother; determination, strong minded, positive support system and love. And these are the basic needs every mother should be giving in order to be classified as a mother. B/c lets be honest; I know a few ‘moms’ who don’t deserve to be mothers for the lack of that very reason!!

 --Diana Anzaldua

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Mamis of Color Radio Show Begins Recording this month!

Mamis of Color radio show is back! We are recording in Austin on May 1st, and in Dallas with our new mamis/chapter there on May 8th! Interested? Email us if you want to help cohost or want to listen.

Latina Mami's Philosophy

Latina Mami recognizes the need to support the unique cultural experience of the diverse Latino population: Indigenous, African, Mestizo, Asian, yet tied together through colonial history. Latina Mami also attempts to form alliances with other groups of color in its community, since we understand that we share a similar history. We understand that children and families can only benefit when they have healthy, involved, and informed mothers.

About Latina Mami

Latina Mami was founded in Austin in 2000 by a young Latina mother to build a support network for Latina mothers and their children. Gloria Perez-Walker was disillusioned by the resources available for Latina women and found them demeaning. She formed support groups, cultural events and a maternity/baby equipment closet (clothes for trade only) for other Latina mothers. Other Latina Mami projects have included the "Mamis of Color" radio show, a babysitting cooperative,, birthing advocacy, anti-violence organizing, and bilingual parenting newsletters written by and for Latina mothers. All projects are run entirely by volunteers. Latina Mami rejects the traditional nonprofit charity model and insists that all projects and initiatives be run by working-class Latina mothers.